On the one hand, I’m not a fool. I am fully aware that once you think you’ve arrived, spiritually speaking, it’s absolutely true that you haven’t. Humility is tricky like that.
On the other hand, it seems impossible not to do a little mental happy dance that I can be thankful and recognize the blessings God is giving me in this feeling of nausea. Yes. Nausea. I’m not only feeling a lot of nausea, I have been actively throwing up today. And several other days this week.
And I’m SO HAPPY!
First of all, let me explain. Starting last Sunday morning, I have increased my dose of Lithium. That’s a good thing. If that’s what I need to do to keep on an even emotional keel, then I’m happy to do it. However, part of increasing the dosage is a corresponding week of nausea and, sometimes, vomiting. (This happens with a lot of psychiatric medications. And not just to me. Be kind to those going through it.)
Here’s why I’m thankful. Emotionally, I’m on the upswing anyway. This has been a really good week for me, so it was a really good week for me to experience this nausea. If there’s ever a good time to experience feeling like you’re going to toss your cookies at any moment, this was the week. The weather’s improving. It’s been pretty sunny all this week. Not a single moment of crisis.
At some point a couple hours ago, I was reminded of this verse:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God. (2 Cor 1:3-4)
And this made me feel really good. I feel good about knowing that in some sense, I can take this experience and use it to grow in compassion. I feel good in knowing that there is a purpose and that maybe I can help someone else.
So, if being able to recognize that I am being encouraged by God makes me a bad person because I’m not very humble, then I guess I’m a bad person.
I hope you are, too.